"For me, the only real power is the kind that comes from the core of who you are and reflects all that you were meant to be." Oprah
I remember sitting in a taxi waiting for the next slow move to the next stop where the driver would wait or maybe he used telepathic powers to draw passengers to his particular taxi to go to town. In this moment I was wiggling two toes on my left foot through the hole in my stocking in effort to get comfortable; taking off my shoe was not an option so I had to be creative in how I kept my toes sticking out into my ankle, once-was-suede boot while not cutting into the skin between my toes. This was the epitome of my reality, where I was, and the consciousness of this moment was an indication of how much I needed to come to terms with where I was and what I needed to learn from this time in my life.
I have always been a hard worker, a believer in the power of hard work and mental manifestations; these were the things I had been doing for as long as I could remember: working hard and manifesting in my mind all the things that I believed my hard work could bring me. Although, there was a disconnect between when I was on my “top floor”, when I thought “I had arrived” to where I found myself now. No amount of hard work and belief in my misguided manifestations would keep and now, my attention was jerked back into the present moment by the abrupt lifting of my foot. I happened to be stepping on the plastic carrier of the passenger next to me and when she lifted it up to get off the taxi, she took my foot with it and in realizing this she said “sorry girl” in the most callous way one could deliver an apology. In that moment I had appreciation for her cavalier attitude but at the same time, I was frustrated by the lack of recognition in who I was, in who I could be! Now that I think about it, I was nobody she had to recognize but something in me, mightier than thou, felt and truly believed that someone had to show me some respect. In the moment it was not so clear what I truly felt but there was something abrasive that I felt towards this woman who had no time nor care in the world for who I was, all that mattered to her was getting home to her family.
This is the thing, this is the delusion that the ego creates and maintains over the years and over your life; I believed what I had been doing for as long as I can remember, that the actions that ascended me to greater heights in life though not beneficial to anyone else- deserve to be celebrated by everyone and I am entitled to acknowledgement above everyone else or their errands for that matter. These were not conscious thoughts but more like an aura about me that translated into unmet expectations. The belief that what others embellish me with at the end of my hard work in the form of title and status is what makes me powerful, when unfulfilled by others, left me insecure and unsure of my place in the world. It’s like running a marathon with the goal of getting the medal at the end of the race, that something that “makes me a runner” and the proof to others that I am a marathon runner. Just looking at this logic, one can already see the flaws in it; no amount of medals could make someone that has completed a race, a runner. Running makes you a runner and for the sake of it, you are that which you believe you are, therefore, even if the running mostly takes place in your head (this part is mostly for me but take what you need, there’s plenty where that came from) or you are like Sheldon that has only run from his neighbor's chicken and bullies, if you believe it, you’re it, man. When you truly understand your power you will know that no one can “make you” be anything. The things we feel about others: “he makes me so angry” are simply our reactions to the presence of the beings around us. The same way others can't make you angry, they can't make you powerful either.
Understanding that “when he laughs at my ideas it makes me really angry!” is actually a pain in my body that I never dealt with when it happened and it is triggered by certain people or circumstances that I keep unconsciously reacting to- is the beginning of stepping into my own power. Understanding any level of interaction with the marathon; entering but never starting the race, running but not completing the race, completing it but not getting the medal as well as finishing the race and getting the medal- that all these make you a runner if you believe you are a runner. The point here is that what you believe about yourself should come from within you, not what has been socially constructed. Furthermore, what you believe about yourself should be based on the awareness of the need to believe this particular thing. For instance, if wanting to believe in yourself as a runner is because you were teased in school for being heavier than most kids in your class then, you might want to reassess this. When your intention of who you are (that is, who you believe you are) is based on proving or disproving the beliefs others have of you, you are still allowing others to determine who you are and ultimately, they still have the power. What you choose to believe about yourself should start with acceptance of your current reality and if this means accepting that you are a little round at the edges, then so be it! Acceptance is a way of disarming the enemy, a way of taking your power back. Look at it this way, if a guy walks up to an attractive woman and tries to impress her by telling her she is beautiful and she simply responds “I know”; if that guy does not have any more conversation beyond that, the lovely lady can be on her way as the gentleman has no new information to offer. She would likely get impressed if she didn’t believe that she was beautiful or maybe he caught her on a day she had tried a new hairstyle that she would feel empowered by this thoughtless comment. This feeling of empowerment might only last for a short while and she is likely to try get that complement again from the same guy and others until she can truly learn the meaning behind the phrase “beauty is in the eye of the beer holder”. I joke; of course it is “beholder”. My ‘English credits’ are running low as I type this, it is Friday.
When you can honor the presence in a moment of your reality by looking around and introspecting yourself, only then can you step into your power. Like most things, this is easier said than done because acceptance is not a one-man job, oh no my friend! Before you can reach ‘level acceptance: unlocked’, there is the fear that has always stopped you before that says “everyone will see you and what if they don’t like you?”. So, you back away because humans are social beings that seek belonging and drop anything that threatens our sense of belonging like a hot potato. Firstly, this is introspective work so that voice of what has been called “abantu bazothini syndrome” (what-will-people-say syndrome) is the voice of the ego not wanting to let go of its part in the play. When you finally get over the fear, then comes the mammoth also known as vulnerability (we all know the work of Brene Brown on this particular topic, if not here is a good starting point). When the resistance to soften into what makes you most vulnerable rises, push through and do it anyway; find the courage to see yourself as you are and allow the world (this is who you chose to be in your world) to see the essence of who you are and leap into the arms of courage with the trust that those still remaining when you open your eyes are the people who matter.
Suffice it to say, harnessing your power is a lot of hard and mostly scary work but the most fulfilling kind. Although, it doesn’t end with the reading or watching the material on how others have done it, you have to step into the ring and do the work too. This kind of work does not enlarge the profit margins of others like most work today, rather, it's lessons on your worth and ultimately your purpose on this earth. This work is the road map to the happiness that is not conditional to the presence of others, status or titles; it is the lamp-stand that guides you to the wisdom of your worth in your grand simplicity. May you embark on this journey and while on it, discover the many hidden treasures in who you are and like any valuable treasure, may you share these truths with the world.
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